So, this is my life.

I stay home with the kids and I don't feel fulfilled. I love my children and I am so thankful I'm able to be home with them, but I'm not getting anything from it.

My husband is self employed and for the last year has been mostly home. That screws up my days like you wouldn't believe. Yet, on the same hand, I love having him home. Maybe because I feel like I shouldn't have to deal with the children as often? I have no idea. You'd think that with him being home more often that I'd get a chance to go do stuff on my own? Oh no, that's not how it works in this house.

I have an almost 6 year old son who I recently allowed to go live with his father. He was having a couple of aggravation issues in his Kindergarten class since Christmas break. We decided that my home is a volatile environment and that living with his Dad would be best for him. Hardest.decision.of.my.life! Harder than deciding to walk away from my then husband. I didn't even have to decide whether to keep my child when I found out at 19 that I was pregnant with him. This was by far the hardest decision I have ever made in my life and I just turned 26! He'll be going to the same school his father and I went to and will continue to go to the schools we went to. It's a good thing for all of us.

I have a 3 year old tomboy daughter. She's wonderful and exciting. She really keeps me on my toes, but at the same time she frustrates me to no end. I love her dearly, she's my only daughter, but... Somedays I want to just run away and she's usually the reason. She doesn't listen, she manipulates, she lies, she's awful, but I love her.

I have a just turned 2 year old boy. He's the light of my life. Is it because he's the youngest and my last? Is it just because of his personality? I have no idea, but I treasure the bond we have. He is my most laid back child. You wanna go shopping all day, Mom? That's okay, feed me and entertain me to some extent and I'll be your best buddy all day long. *sigh* I love this kid. LOL

I have a husband. A husband who is nearly 20 years older than me and tells me he loves me, but doesn't show it much. I'm working on that aspect.

I think I like blogging. Maybe THAT is what will fulfill me? Maybe this is what will keep my brain "fresh?" I love to learn and everything I've learned in the last 3 1/2 years has been child related. I want to learn to love life again...